Forgiveness is an inside job. As much as we want think someone has to apologize for their actions before we can move on, it’s just not so. When we forgive the other person, that sets us free to make new decisions. Sometimes forgiveness is coming back together, and sometimes it means leaving. This week I write about how forgiving plays a role in our lives and how we often overlook forgiving ourselves.
Physical Spaces– Wouldn’t it be awesome if you forgave yourself for all that clutter around you? What could you accomplish without that resentment weighing you down and keeping you distracted from action?
This is the beauty of forgiveness.
Short and sweet, forgive yourself for all of it! For spending the money on the clothes you never wore, or for buying that kitchen tool you imagined you would use everyday, but only used once since you bought it. It’s not useful to keep it around.
Sure, you can use the information to help you not make the same decisions in the future, but allow yourself to let go of the negative feelings about the things. That’s the part that keeps you stuck.
Imagine the freedom of letting go and being kind to yourself in the process.
Try it out this weekend. Pick up something that you are resentful toward, be grateful for having enough money that you could buy it, then forgive yourself for not using it. Say goodbye to it. Repeat!
Mental Space– The act of forgiving can be such a healing thing for our mental health. When you hang onto resentment or anger, the stress builds and it only eats away at your energy. Remember energy was last weeks word! While forgiving may initially feel messy and like it is depleting your energy, after moving through it, you will feel lighter and more energized.
Yes, it’s not comfortable and it’s easy to think that forgiving someone or yourself, means you are justifying actions or making it “okay”. This is the part that just isn’t true.
Forgiving just means you don’t want to carry the pain from the past any longer.
It means releasing the hurt and allowing yourself to heal. This is some of the greatest work you can do in your life to level up your well being, release tension, and be mentally free. Give that to yourself this week!
Final Thoughts on Forgiveness
If, even the thought of forgiveness, brings up anger in you, ask yourself what that anger is protecting you from.
Underneath anger is often sadness or hurt.
Be still with it.
You are exactly where you need to be.
Learning to forgive takes practice and isn’t something we are taught as children. We are taught how to apologize but aren’t normally taught how to forgive. Give this some thought this week. When you were growing up, did you ever learn how to forgive others, much less yourself? New skills take time, so be patient with yourself as you learn.
What do you want to forgive yourself for? It could be something you did yesterday or 20 years ago. You don’t have to carry that burden any longer!
Sending all my love!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Great post Patty! This is my favorite word so far in the ABC series. Two thoughts about forgiveness: 1) If you are the one withholding forgiveness from someone else…it is only holding you back, not the other person. Forgive them and free yourself from the bad experiences and emotions from your past. 2) If you are the one who needs to be forgiven…There is nothing you can do to earn or achieve forgiveness from someone else. Forgiveness is like a gift that is given and received. Don’t be so hard on yourself and refuse to accept the gift from someone that is willing to offer it; and likewise don’t beat yourself up by trying so hard to earn forgiveness from them, because you can’t. They have to willingly offer it. Focus on what you can control, which is your own thoughts, words, and actions.
The Bible has much to say about forgiveness for “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and we are all therefore in need of forgiveness. We are commanded to follow the example that God has given us by learning to “bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Most importantly, we are warned about withholding forgiveness from others as this only reveals an ungrateful, disobedient, and unbelieving heart in ourselves, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, then your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6: 14-15)
I really enjoyed reading your perspective on forgiveness! In my opinion if you are withholding forgiveness, it may seem as though it’s holding the other person back, but it’s ultimately that person’s thoughts about it that is holding them back. However, I think the outward expression of forgiveness is important for human connection and empathy and it just makes it easier for us to forgive. Yes, someone can move past a wrongdoing on their own, but it’s always nice to hear that someone is sorry for their actions. This gives the impression that they can learn from their mistakes. And I love your comment, “Focus on what you can control, which is your own thoughts, words, and actions.” So true!