I think we are all very familiar with the feeling we have when facing decisions around change. It is uncomfortable. It may feel like nervousness, anxiety, or tightness. I often go into full on distraction mode in an attempt to create some certainty and ease my discomfort. This is completely normal, but what can be done to overcome such resistance so we don’t stay stuck in our lives. As usually, I’ve broken it down into a few topics to discuss where you can apply it in your life.
Physical Spaces– All of the clutter still in your home is a form of resistance. Isn’t that an uncomfortable statement to read? It is true, though. You are resisting the difficult and many decisions that must be made in removing each item. It is completely normal and okay to feel that resistance. Acknowledging it is the first step to leaning in and pulling yourself through the resistance and into action.
You have likely tried to convince yourself, that you just don’t have time or other things are higher priority right now. Sure there may be some things more important and urgent, but be honest with yourself about those things.
You say you don’t have time. Is that even true? Have you written down all of the tasks you need to do and scheduled them on your calendar? What steps have you taken to remove unimportant, unnecessary tasks from your life? (If you haven’t read the blog on Prioritizing, click here. It is jammed packed with a practical, step-by-step on how to prioritize.)
Procrastination is just another form of resistance. Procrastination is keeping you from accomplishing all you want in life. It is keeping your closet a mess and your justifying brain has stepped up to protect you with excuse after excuse.
Ever single time you notice any resistance, you are in the position to win because you have the awareness to stop the old pattern and make new patterns. You get to decide whether you ignore the opportunity or take action toward resolving the issue.
If you catch yourself complaining about the garage clutter, that is your opportunity to decide if you are really okay with how it looks. If the answer is no, decide right then to take some action toward it. This could be as small as taking 10 minutes to empty the trash cans and replace the bags or sweeping the floor.
Small actionable steps will add up and create the momentum that will help carry you through some of the more difficult decisions. It is definitely a process, but clearing up your physical spaces is completely obtainable.
Mental Space– When you feel resistance, that is a huge clue. It is like a light shining on a pain point in your life. Take a moment to observe it. Why are you resistant? Are you scared or worried? Are you feeling misunderstood? Are you ashamed of something?
By asking yourself these questions, you allow your fight or flight brain to settle for just a second and this allows your “thinking” brain to decide how you want to proceed. Sometimes just acknowledging that you are uncomfortable and you are still okay is enough to start addressing the pain point and taking action to change it.
The pain point you are facing wants to be addressed. It wants to be fixed. You can fix it and often it only takes having a brief talk with yourself.
The next time you are feeling resistant to something, try saying, “I feel really uncomfortable right now but I know I’m okay. What action can I take right now that I would be proud of?”
Your mind knows exactly what to do when you ask it the right questions. The answer may be: to not eat the cake and take a walk; clean up your desk; or finally go through your closet and donate all the items you aren’t going to wear.
These may see like small actions, but they are huge because you are practicing overcoming your default resistance to change. This a skill that over time will get stronger and more developed with practice.
Relationships– Resistance within relationships can cause all kinds of grief, resentment, and disconnection. That is why it is so important to check yourself and see how you are contributing to the issues. Are you actually listening to understand the other person? Or, are you listening to respond from your perspective so YOU can be heard? The latter is a form of resistance and self protection.
It’s not always easy to put yourself in the other person’s shoes; however, that is the best way to check your listening ear. To most of us, this doesn’t come natural, but it can be learned through practice. Remember, the other person may be bringing resistance to the conversation, too, but you can diffuse their resistance by deeply listening to understand. You can try saying things like, ” I understand where you are coming from. How else are you feeling about that?”
Asking follow up questions lets the other person know you genuinely care about what they are sharing and not just trying to get your perspective or talking points in. Small changes in your communication style can reap huge rewards in overall connection and relationship satisfaction.
Final Thoughts on Resistance
It can be difficult to do this work because of the inner turmoil and discomfort that will arise. I can tell you this from my personal experience. Resistance is probably the biggest obstacle I am facing in my life right now. I still have pockets of clutter. I have goals I am not working on. I ignore the resistance more often than I would like to admit and retreat to comfort and the illusion of control. But I promise you friends, it is totally worth it to face the discomfort and make actionable, positive changes.
No matter how many times you turn away from yourself, you are always there and you can never fully escape.
I encourage you to befriend yourself and do the work to overcome the resistance you are facing. The resistance is highest at the start of something, so just getting started is a win. I truly believe in you!
If you are needing some extra encouragement or accountability, make sure to reach out to me or leave a comment below!
You can directly email me at patty@declutterfyyourlife.com
