No

I have a confession to make. Most of my life I have struggled to say “No”. Internally I would be saying no but externally, I would say “sure, I don’t mind”. Most of this was driven by my desire to not disappoint others, but years of this practice greatly diminished my self-trust and discernment. In more recent years, I have been practicing the art of saying no and while it still can be uncomfortable, I feel so much better inside, knowing I’m not overcommitting or neglecting myself. 

Physical Spaces– All of the items in your life are because you said, “Yes”.  Think about that for a minute. 

All of the things you love, things you don’t use, things you want to declutter are there because you accepted them or bought them. 

Knowing this is one of the first steps in changing your outlook on the items you continue to bring into your home, your car, or your office. You have the power to say no to every new item using the tools from this post on curiosity. If the answer isn’t “Heck Yes!” to the question, “Do you love it, need it, or use it?,” then it’s a NO. 

Also, as you go through your existing things, get ruthless with your yeses and noes. If you take this approach, in no time you will be clearing the clutter from you home. 

Mental Space– Your mind is where all the decision making process is occurring, so it’s very important to practice tuning into your thoughts. The mindfulness you bring to thoughts and your body while you are trying to decide will tap you into your discernment and make the decision almost effortless. 

You know the feeling of no when someone asks you to do something like bake cookies for a bake sale, and you hate baking but you say sure to appease. Here’s a secret, you don’t have to say yes. You could make a donation in lieu of the potential cookie proceeds thus saving you hours of shopping for the ingredients, baking the cookies, packaging up the cookies, and sitting at the bake sale selling the cookies. If you say “No, but I’ll make a donation,” think of what you could do with all of those “repurposed” hours!! 

This is the power of saying “No!” Yes, there may be judgement from others, but who cares if you are in alignment with your true values and goals?

There are some decisions however that take a bit more effort. For most of us when we think about exercising, it’s very often a “nah, I don’t want to.” That makes sense because our brain wants to avoid the immediate body discomfort of the workout. This is an example of when you have to override the initial “no” because you have a bigger, deeper “Yes” to serve, like being able to play with your children or grandchildren or fit into those jeans or run a marathon. 

These are what I call a “Pre-Decided” Yes (or No). This means you have previously taken time to consider this goal and have decided that it means so much to you that you will take action toward this goal even when your mind is screaming “no” (Remember toddler brain? Check out the blog here). 

Following through with a Pre-Decided Yes or No is super powerful and builds your self-trust muscle and everyone knows you feel better after you keep commitments to yourself! 

Finances- Money is a space where you can really make some huge changes by revisiting and questioning current purchasing habits. Some practical steps here are to:

1)Pull up your bank statement/credit card statements 

2) Look at your reoccurring bills. Do you have multiple t.v. subscriptions plus cable? Magazine subscriptions? Music app subscriptions? Do you have Amazon subscriptions? 

3) Redecide on whether you use them enough to keep them. 

4) Cancel the subscriptions. You can always resubscribe later if you decide you really miss it. 

5) Enjoy that extra money in your bank account!

While looking at your statements you can also see if you visit certain fast food places often and consider quitting that habit. Once you add up all the money you spent at Starbucks during the  month, you may decide that you would rather have that extra $120 in your savings. 

Remember, every purchase you make is a yes. The more noes you have, the more money in your account. 

Work– Whether you are your own boss or work for someone else, you are constantly making decision about what task to put your energy and time toward. Maybe you are the guy/gal that gets “extra” tasks all the time because your boss knows you always say yes. This often leads to resentment because you are probably not getting compensated for the extra assignments. The next time your boss asks you to take on yet another project, take the opportunity to say no. 

The trick is to be delicate in your refusal, though, because you don’t want to seem defensive, ungrateful, or entitled. Say your boss approaches you and asks you to take on another project on top of the already 3 extra projects he/she has asked of you. Without giving a direct no, you could instead say, “I understand you want me to take on this project and I am more than happy to; however, I also have these other 3 tasks that you asked me to do last week that I am working on. I won’t be able to meet the deadlines for all of them if I take on the new task. Which one is the most important to you that you would like me to focus on?” 

This let’s the boss know you are willing to help, but also that you can’t do it all and meet deadlines. It also gives the boss responsibility in deciding what is important to him/her. 

Now this may not work in all situations, but it’s worth a try to help you honor yourself and your time so you aren’t getting taken advantage of because they know you are an easy yes.  

Final Thoughts on No

The summation of yeses and noes during our lifetimes drastically changes our outcomes and experiences. 

Each decision holds power over the outcome of our lives, and some much greater than others. 

This reminder is not to bog you down in indecision or overwhelm, but to remind you that improving your discernment over which choice to make will get you closer to creating the life you dream of. Learn to tap back into your inner wisdom to guide you  toward your goals. 

Remember to honor your Pre-Decided Yeses or Noes.  

The video below is an excellent clip on checking in to find that inner knowing. 

I hope you enjoy your week and consider saying “No” more often! 

Much love!