This week’s word is such a doozy for me personally. I am really hard on myself, constantly judging everything I do, how I talk, the way I form sentences. It’s exhausting to be so caught up in my thoughts about how I think others are judging me or I am judging myself. It’s an area where I still have a lot of work to do. To me judgment feels claustrophobic, like a squeezing of my life energy. I have learned to be more patient with myself during times of extreme self-judgment. And I have found that the more I can accept my flaws, the more likely I am to improve my actions and behaviors. Acceptance doesn’t mean condoning behaviors, but it allows me to stay in the truth just long enough to move out of resistance and into compassion, thus increasing the chance of me making positive changes.
Mental Space– Having a sense of judgment toward others creates a feeling of separateness. The next time you find yourself judging, take a moment to call it out to yourself. That recognition alone can usually be enough to transition your thoughts toward compassion for the other person’s experience. You can use this same tool on yourself when you are being really hard on yourself. Recognize the judgment, accept the the thing you are judging, and then ask yourself how you can create a solution to the issue you are seeing.
Relationships– Think about your close relationships for a minute. How much time do you spend judging the other person for not meeting your expectations? How does this change your relationship dynamic? Does the judgment keep you from developing a closer relationship? Now, before you get all justified thinking about the list of things you have righteously judged your friend/spouse for, please know, I am not suggesting you should never have an opinion or share your frustrations about someone else to them. It’s healthy to have boundaries and open dialogue about pain points or annoyances. It’s part of creating a harmonious coexistence. Just be mindful of how you approach the topic. Being kind in your approach will more often diffuse the resistance of the other person when they hear your complaint/concern, thus making it more likely they will hear your concern and change for the better. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can be very helpful here. For example, you will probably get a better result using “I would like for you to help with the dishes because I like to have a clean sink in the morning.” versus “You never help with the dishes.” I’m sure you would be much more motivated to help with the former statement. Try it out!
Final Thoughts on Judgment
This week, I only reference it to our mental space and relationships, but it is just as easily associated with our physical space, our jobs, the government, and all aspects of life. Judgment shows up everywhere.
Challenge yourself to continue being mindful of how you judge, what you judge, and notice where you can create connection instead of separateness.
I hope you all have a lovely week! Sending virtual hugs to everyone!
